“Why was I born?” It was a big question in my life.

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“A school that prays”

‘What would it be like to be with the Lords’ heart?’With a fluttered mind, I applied to an intercessory prayer training school of a missionary organization. It was so graceful to be learned by Jesus as a being the teacher and I as a being of a student.

I became a wife of a minister without any preparation and it seemed to be quite lonely. While I was being trained, however, I realized that it was the Lord who sent me here. He made me understand the meaning of the phrase, ‘the Lord’s permission is the best’ during around six months of the training like a tunnel.

My old self, covered with fearing and scaring, started being broken as the training began. And I got to experience how God answered my personal prayers and promises. ‘And I will pour out on the house of David and the inhabitants of Jerusalem a spirit of grace and supplication. They will look on me, the one they have pierced, and they will mourn for him as one mourns for an only child, and grieve bitterly for him as one grieves for a firstborn son’ (Zechariah 12:10) Whenever I pray with this phrase, the Lord let me cry with my heart, and whenever I kneeled down he made me pray with the Lord’s heart.

Something kept happened. So the circumstances around me tried to let us down. However, if I depended on the Holy Spirit who was in me and prayed, I could hold onto the gospel of peace rather than any circumstances.

When I was about to go on the abroad outreach, the last course of the training, my family and friends stood against it. But I obeyed the Lord with faith. Just like David who stood up alone with slings while the whole army of Israel was frightened in front of Goliath, the Lord gave me the confidence to get rid of the wall of recognition and reputation from the people and to approach the throne of grace. The church seemed to be uncomfortable with me being heartless and not caring. But the Lord has poured his love on me and made me love the church. Finally, we all have become a solid one. How great this grace was!

Praying with the confession, “The Lord will do it!” began to be real in my life. As I asked the Father’s heart for Kirgizstan, he widened the boundary of my prayers. Whenever the Holy Spirit lighted my spirit, I got thirstier and loved the word of God more. During the outreach, he made me worship in whole moments of prayers.

He also made me look back at my life and recognize that my own efforts to serve and passions were sins. After the outreach, I faced problems at the church, but I could not blame anyone nor find an excuse. I was an ontological sinner. So, I was led to be with the Lord through the Bible. And the truth became the conclusion. He let me not respond to the visible circumstances and emotions and know that I was a hopeless being and the hope was only found in God. I thank God for making me die on the cross and become a new person of revival with Jesus.

Knowing the gospel, I want to give more time and possessions with pleasure. All I have is no longer mine. I only hope to live by his love, and pray with his heart. He makes me live by his grace and cry with his love. And he makes things possible only by his providence.

“Why was I born?” It was a big question in my life all the time. When I pray for all nations, I find myself the reason. Now I can conclude that “the Lord has done it!” The Lord is so great that he made me realize what happiness is – to leave myself and go out-reach to the Lord. I will go forward the calling for all nations by living and dying with the Lord. Longing for the Lord’s coming back, Maranatha!

A minister’s wife Lee Kyung Ah

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